With Diamonds On Top
by Laryna6
Summary: RMCrackfic. Rock is oblivious to the fact he's the crush of around 81 percent of his species, Forte spills the beans to Wily, Shadowman starts drugging people and then things really go crazy. Also, Roll/Forte, Snakeman/Toadman, etc. etc. Again, crackfic.


_This is an utter, utter crackfic I wrote awhile ago. I only posted it to adultfanfictiondotnet for some reason and then took it down for some reason I forget, apparently. Perhaps because it was crack more than actual smut?_

_Again, utter crackfic._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Rockman/Megaman or any associated properties, Capcom does. No infringement intended or money made._

* * *

Rock was utterly oblivious. Who was going to tell him? Roll regarded him as her brother. Younger brother, even, although she was 002 to his 001. Kalinka regarded him as Blues' brother. Dr. Light was an old man. None of the ones close enough to him to feel comfortable taking him aside and breaking it to him were aware of it.

He'd probably not get it even if they did. He liked everybody, he wouldn't get that it was strange.

Everyone else just didn't feel comfortable bringing it up, or strong enough to handle the sheer adorableness of the resulting confusion.

The ones who, well, wanted to take advantage of his cluelessness and break it to him in a way that might break him were outnumbered by the ones who would let that happen over the broken bodies of anyone who even thought about it. Even the ones who were most serious about the war, the ones willing to kill him if necessary. Or at least they said they were. Death was one thing. Hurting him like that was another.

So Rock had no idea he was the crush of about 81 percent of his species until Dr. Wily found out.

Dr. Wily was just as oblivious as Rock. Only while in Rock's case this was due to his innocence in Wily's case it was due to his nutjobness. He'd called Venus while the poor Stardroid was taking yet another bubblebath and utterly ignored the entire playlet with the yellow rubber ducky and the blue one covered in white bubbles that were certainly not meant to represent a wedding dress. That wasn't the only slip he missed.

It was Forte's fault.

Forte had been placed undercover at the Light's a bit after the Sixth War, undercover as a creation of the person Dr. Wily had killed and replaced that was now sadly orphaned. When he busted Dr. Wily out, Dr. Wily was sane at the moment because they'd put him on his medication while he was in prison. Forte had therefore not known better than to tell him about the awesomeness of Roll and ask permission to keep her as a repair slave/trophy bride after he beat up her brother, who was nowhere near as awesome as Roll even though everyone was crushing on him.

Shadowman, sadly or not, hadn't been there to draw the conversation away from that topic.

At that point, Dr. Wily was just sane enough to realize that if this problem was why his robots had a hard time killing Megaman then that same problem would provide extra incentive if their programming's priority was changed to _capturing _him.

And just insane to enough to make it so that that whoever managed it would get to keep him. Suitably reprogrammed, of course. He should have known what would happen then, he'd built and programmed (and reprogrammed) them.

Shadowman, who hadn't been the strategist for so long for nothing, had recruited Snakeman with the promise of a love potion that would work on Toadman, who was a Cossackbot and hence not an issue. His search snakes took out Geminiman long enough for a quick alteration to his hologram system and an armor hackjob. Geminiman, the vainest Master on the planet, was not happy about himself and his hologram looking like that plain child instead of his own glorious visage. Still, true beauty was on the inside and it would be what he deserved for the others to recognize how irresistible he was.

Aided by sabotage and emplacement of certain substances in the castle ventilation system, the competition was taken out of the running. Well, they weren't running after the _real _Rock, anyway.

Forte found this absolutely hilarious, of course, and was more than willing to use a device Shadowman had created during the fourth war to add nutritional supplements to stolen E-cans to insert that same love potion into every single E-can in the Light household.

They really, really, should have read _A Midsummer Night's_ _Dream_ and gone with the knockout option instead. The universe hates love potions, along with… Read _Pyramids _by Terry Pratchett, okay?

Forte, the lucky bastard, shared one with Roll at breakfast. However, in a deviation from the normal schedule Rock had been kept up of all the last night helping Ringman try to track down Blues and was very, very hungry. The response of the two lovebirds, who were gazing deeply into each other's optics in a way that Forte would normally have considered terminally sappy, to his request was an abstracted, "Sure, Rock." Whatever you want, just don't ruin the moment. They hadn't even paid attention more than noting a question.

The Blues-tracking attempt had been set off by a false Blues sighting near the Cossacks', which had led to Kalinka wanting to actually be able to talk to him even though it was nice to know he was still watching over her. After the Fifth War, Blues had issued a warning about the consequences of that being tried again, and had gone to the current Skull castle to find out what was going on when he noticed the attempt to find him and found out what had caused it.

He'd left before being hit with that much of it, but the air there contained both a small love potion dose and something related to Shadowman's more usual confusion drug. This one just worked by making it harder to think clearly, making people act on impulse.

Blues really needed to act on impulse.

After putting Dr. Wily back on his medicine (it had only been two days, so it went reasonably well), he'd gotten the plan out of him and headed over to put his little brother in protective custody until he could get those morons reprogrammed. Sheesh, all they'd had to do was ask Rock out…

In any case, the ambient dose in the castle wasn't enough to cause anyone to fall head over heels. The love potion worked by bringing out unconscious desires, hence why the castle wasn't one giant orgy.

Just a few small ones… in any case, Blues didn't really have attachments of that variety to any of the Wilybots that were there, so he didn't realize that he'd been hit with a love potion as well as a reasonable level of a chemical he wanted more of since it seemed to actually help him think more clearly.

After bitchslapping Dr. Light (he'd always wanted to do that!) he went to go fetch the kid and walked in right after Rock had poured the rest of that E-can down his thirsty throat.

Seeing the cute… he practically had hearts in his eyes! Blues caved.

When Shadowman made his way through security at the time Rock should have eaten breakfast, he found the innocent little Rock with his chest panels open, Blues replacing some of the wires with ones that were past the cutting edge of everyone else's discoveries.

The good doctors, not having any idea their AI would become an actual person, hadn't even tried to include any sort of sexual equivalent. They might have been based in Japan but they weren't interested in building busty fembots in Lolita maid outfits. Why put breasts on a machine? This wasn't _A Clockwork Orange_.

Since robot masters had, in fact, been meant to control robots, take care of them, update them, debug them, repair them, upgrade them, that was what they enjoyed. So, for a sentient species that had love and considered that the ultimate way of showing it, this was the equivalent of… I don't know your personal sexual fantasies and I probably don't want to, but this was, well, like one of the hottest ones. You pick the best equivalent.

Because of the whole robot-master-looking-after-their-servants thing being hardwired in, they went for slave/master stuff and Blues, eldest, wisest and most cunning of them all was _the _seme. Rock, well… Lying there, all grateful, strong hands inside him, wireless data channel open and getting a lot of use from those expressions, his free hand touching Blues' face…

Shadowman was jarred awake by an internal alarm saying his CPU was about to melt: the scene was just that hot. He needed a stiff drink, and there were two E-cans on the table outside of Rock's room. Roll had put them there for when Blues and Rock got low on energy before heading off to do extensive system checks on 'Bass.' After all, he'd been fending for himself before coming here: he'd gotten a checkup when he arrived but she wanted to give him a through going-over. He grabbed one and tossed it down his throat without thinking.

Blues had known he was there but hadn't done anything about it because he had his hands full and he also wanted Shadowman to know that he was out of the running. Also, well, he'd helped bring this about: he deserved a few good mental images to comfort himself with during lonely self-repair sessions.

With the help of some dutch courage (I'm not kidding: the E-can was manufactured in Holland), Shadowman used kawarimi-no-jutsu (no, I'm not kidding either, look at the Megaman wikia) to replace the cute little uke with the empty E-can and, grabbing the other E-can, summoned the giant frogbot Wily had built him because he was a fanboy like that and attempted to flee into the night. Unluckily for him, they were on the first floor and the floor above them was Roll's private studio workroom with the exterior wall that was one big window for natural light. The frogbot was able to get through there to the roof, but not before ruining the mood.

After the initial WTF reaction, ("Look, out on the roof! It's a frog! It's a robot! No, it's Shadowman!") the two gave chase. Roll because she would never forgive someone ruining her romantic moment by kidnapping her brother and Forte because he'd never forgive being cockblocked (he didn't have that organ, but it was the lack of sex-equivalent that counted) because of that twerp. After he merged with 'Treble,' Roll rode Bass in hot… pursuit.

Blues, meanwhile, was suffering from one of the classic computing problems: too many options. In how many ways could he make Shadowman suffer before running out of replacement body parts? How could he pick only one set of torments? He ended up having to reboot because that and the shock had made his system freeze.

Rock, meanwhile, was meeping and holding his chest compartment closed with both hands, too demure and blushing to remember that his buster was still functional.

After giving the screeching harpy and Roll the slip with one of his 1,337 ninja skills, Shadowman found a secure location and gently tugged Rock's hands away, "Here, let me take care of you, Rock-chan."

Now, the –chan ending is okay for school friends, usually girls, little sisters, and people who have given you permission. Calling someone who hadn't given you permission that, especially a man or feminist, is asking for it. If Rock hadn't been so friendly and willing to let friends take liberties he would have been angry. Of course, if he had been anyone but Rock he would have been angry the instant Shadowman had intruded and caused Blues to no longer be inside him. As it was he just liked that –chan was friendly, which was a good sign since he had no idea what had just happened and was obviously very confused.

After all, Dr. Light had thought his creations couldn't have any sex, so Rock had never gotten any 'talk.' So it was just that if he'd been kidnapped to be taken somewhere he'd like to not have his chest panel hanging open when he found out what it was about and was forced to have to fight back. Why couldn't they all just get along? Shadowman wanting to do repairs and calling him Rock-chan were good signs that needed to be encouraged.

He was still confused, which was a good impression of innocent yet turned on. "Um, thank you? What did you want me for?"

"Here, let me show you…" As Shadowman was making his move the distinctive flash of teleportation appeared. Rock vanished. In his place appeared a very angry Roll, and the toad was replaced by a pissed-off Forte. He'd just had Roll all over him, and now this jerk was trying to put the moves on his girl? Die!

"Kawarimi me, will you," Blues murmured, his arms Rock's destination. "You should know better than to challenge me." Especially not to a battle of ninja skills.

"What's going on?" Rock poked at his cheek, adorably clueless and ravishable. Well, a human would say ravishable. A robot master would say masterable.

"Never mind. Where were we? Oh, the titanium-gold-special ingredient alloy work…"

Forte might have superior firepower, Roll might have the superhuman strength and ability to access hammerspace of a Japanese woman (Made in Japan) seeking vengeance upon a pervert, but Shadowman had ninja skills and the ability to manufacture really good drugs.

They had quickly forgotten he existed and adjourned to the machine shop, Roll talking about decorating Forte's wings with diamonds. Only she appeared to be under the impression his name was Lucy.

The battle did exhaust Shadowman enough he started to drink the other E-can while he crouched in a tree above his target and his master plotting his next move and getting a really good view. Once he realized what he was doing he threw it away. It bounced off a tree and an amazing amount of the contents landed in Rock's chest cavity, where it made him wiggle around a bit, giggling. Partially because it tickled. Shadowman couldn't resist the siren song and attempted to glomp.

Blues debated bashing him away with his shield, but allowed the glomp to connect because it made Rock even more giggly and Shadowman seriously owed him for earlier. Pain was no fun. He'd missed out on some good stuff, so Shadowman would just have to repay him in kind.

Now, as the most sober person present and the Issueman he was, Blues wouldn't outright reprogram Shadowman. However, robot masters hadn't really translated over most human sexual mores. For one, that it was date rape by definition to take advantage of someone under the influence. By robot master standards, someone that out of it was someone really in need of some good repairs and a lesson so that they wouldn't let it happen again.

He did ask permission, but we all know that was a formality and excuse to make Shadowman beg. After the view he'd had earlier? Like illogic he'd turn down a threesome with the ideal robot master and _Rock_.

And a good time was had by all.

Until they woke up the next morning.

Unable to find sufficient diamonds, Forte had proposed hitting jewelry stores and museums, meaning Roll not only ended up waking up to a criminal record but also the unfortunate dilemma of having a stolen engagement ring.

Forte, who had been built for stealth, ended up with more bling than Elvis and one hell of a lot of explaining to do if he wanted to maintain his cover.

Blues woke up rational and, sadly, had to go put Dr. Wily back since he didn't have the right to violate other people's free will. Dr. Wily came home to a trashed fortress to find that all his building and repair supplies had been used up (including the special components he'd meant to use for his ultimate creation, dammit) and Enker and Ballade had smashed up his bed (which hadn't been built to handle robot master strength.

Shadowman found himself rebuilt into a half Kakashi, half Jiraya, with some Uchiha cosplaying nightmare. From what he dimly remembered, he'd kept changing his mind…

Rock had the most horrible morning of all. He woke up alone.

At least, until the Sad Rock alarm Blues had installed That Night triggered and wouldn't shut off until he was forced to go in range of the Puppy-Dog Eyes of Ultimate Power.


End file.
